Newman Blog

Who among us can not relate to this?

SCARED OF SANTA GALLERY: Tis the season to be scared witless

Lititz Police Department: A Equal-Opportunity Employer?

I believe in the Americans With Disabilities Act. But isn’t it going a little too far when a police department hires the disabled?

Funny. She didn’t appear to be disabled in the past. I’ve certainly seen the individual walking about town often enough: handing out parking tickets, directing traffic. Yet there she was behind the wheel of the cruiser…in a handicapped parking space yesterday at the Lititz Post Office. Hmmm.

Now, believe me, I realize parking downtown Lititz can be a little snug at times — especially around the holidays when everyone is trying to mail all those cards and packages — but isn’t that just the point? The lot was nearly full, cars jockeying precariously for parking spaces, and here sits an able-bodied individual blithely taking up a space preserved for the physically challenged.

Perhaps I misread the sign. Perhaps it was a space reserved for the learning disabled. I mean, isn’t this the person who’s supposed to be handing out citations to people violating the law she herself was so blatently dismissing on her own behalf?

Okay, okay, I realize employees of the police department have to mail their Christmas cards, too, but perhaps they do that off duty.

I further realize this isn’t the most opportune time to “dis” the Lititz Police Department, when they’re in the national spotlight and being hailed wholesale as heroic, but — excuse me — heroes don’t park their cruisers in handicapped parking spaces. Period.

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Forget the Prom; Hold a Whorefest

Today a catalog addressed to my seventeen year old son appeared in our mailbox. That he should receive a catalog of scantily clad women would probably not displease him — that is, if he were ever going to actually see it. Luckily I got to the mailbox first.

Mailing lists are annoying, especially when a decade ago someone somewhere mistyped your son’s name and an outpouring of inappropriate cataloges and ads have been arriving in his name ever since. I have a mailing list alter ego, too, but even though — judging from the intriguing name — I should get some pretty interesting junk mail, too, I don’t. Mine? Svetlana. I’ve no idea how I ever came to be Svetlana Keyman but I must admit it does have a certain mysterious behind-the-iron-curtain appeal.

Anyway, back to my son.

Since elementary school, Travis has been receiving invitations to attend Barbizon modeling school, to audition for Miss Teen America and to purchase all the cosmetics his income will allow. With any luck, however, he’ll remain too busy fighting fires with the Lititz Fire Department and battling it out on Civil War reenactment battlefields to stock up on rouge.

Of course, that was all pretty amusing. Now it’s getting edgy. Now he’s being asked to dress like a whore.

The culprit, a certain Cinderella Shoppe* of 62 West Main Street, Hershey, PA (717.838.5861) appears to believe the word prom is short for promiscuous. They are fainly sending catalogs into our community suggesting we pay them to attire our daughters (and in some cases, apparently, our sons) as high class Hollywood prostitutes. Consider page six. Here we have a gown cut so low it makes Jennifer Lopez’s choice in evening wear look virtuous. Then there’s page fourteen. This page features a little green mid-drift see-through bustier and wrap skirt combo that would not only make it appear your prom-bound daughter forgot to put on her dress, but clearly tells her date, “why waste time disrobing after post-prom when I’m already decked out in nothing more than a Hugh Hefner-approved brazier?”

Page 44 shows us a more demure gown. Unfortunately it’s sported by a model astride a golden throne — spread eagle. And if that’s not suggestive enough for you, turn to page 48. Obviously this model plans to accomodate not only her own date after post-prom, but three of his friends as well.

What I want to know is who are the mothers and fathers who will purchase these outfits for their teenage daughters? If you are out there, I want to meet you so I can see what someone who lost their moral compass actually looks like.

Let me ask you something. Are you planning to adhere a contraceptive patch to your teenage daughter’s ass as she leaves for the prom this year? If you’re dressing her like this, it might be a good idea.

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Lancaster Mediation Center

Our Mission is to be a dynamic force in helping to create a community where conflicts are dealt with in a nonviolent manner.

Begun in 1981 and located in downtown Lancaster, the Lancaster Mediation Center offers Neighborhood, Landlord/Tenant, Family (including Divorce, Separation and Custody), Business, and Workplace Mediations, as well as Congregational and Organizational Facilitations.

If you live in Pennsylvania and haven’t already said “this road sucks!” here is your proof that our roads really are horrible, trust the people that drive our roads professionally every day

Pennsylvania’s bad roads are no secret – PittsburghLIVE.com

Pennsylvania’s highway system hit another pothole last week when an Overdrive Magazine poll revealed that truckers declared the commonwealth’s roads to be the nation’s worst.

And the turnpike, based on high tolls, a generally bumpy ride and constant construction delays, took most of the blame.

Ten-four, good buddies, but we didn’t need you to tell us that.

Here a link to the original article at OverDrive Magazine and an excerpt:

Comedian W.C. Fields said: “On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” According to the latest Overdrive Worst Roads survey,most truckers would rather not. On the whole, most would rather skip all of Pennsylvania.

For the second consecutive year and the fifth time in a decade, Pennsylvania leads our worst roads list. Among the chief complaints: the conditions of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, I-78 and I-80, and poor signage. The Turnpike, also known as I-76, is further ripped for its high tolls.

Glad to hear it chief!

Second choice for police chief withdraws

EASTON | The city’s second choice for the vacant police chief’s position has withdrawn his name from consideration.

Richard Garipoli Jr., chief of the Warwick Township police department in Lancaster County, notified city officials earlier this week that he no longer wants to be considered a candidate. Garipoli said in a phone message that for several reasons he would not leave his men.

“I’ve told my men here I’m staying right where I’m at,” Garipoli said. “This is where I belong.”

If you’re a blogger, it could be very easy for you run afoul of the law, in the eyes of some anyway. Here’s a legal guide from the Electronic Frontier Foundation that gives you some common guidelines to follow and let’s you know what your rights are as well.

If you’re interested to know what some of those rights are, here is a quick synopsis:

• You Have the Right to Blog Anonymously
• You Have the Right to Keep Sources Confidential.
• You Have the Right to Make Fair Use of Intellectual Property
• You have the Right to Allow Readers’ Comments Without Fear.
• You Have the Right to Protect Your Server from Government Seizure.
• You Have the Right to Freely Blog about Elections.
• You Have the Right to Blog about Your Workplace.
• You Have the Right to Access as Media.